The RULES....

There’s rules goddammit!

As the fine gents over at 6thSens discovered, even our own home town Sens fans are not immune to making terrible decisions when it comes to their jersey customization. I thought for the longest time that as a collective, the folks coming to the Kanata Salmon Can on a nightly basis were well informed, cerebral hockey fans, who put lots of thought into every hockey-related action (hence the large walk-up crowd). But as Tim and Graeme experienced against the Caps on Monday night… this is not always the case. Enter “Apollo 69”, who is his own James Dean “rebel without a clue way” has flashed his hairy balls to the world in a big fat “f**k you!” to the clearly defined system. His jersey violates not one, not two, but all three rules in jerseydom.

RULE #1 -> Don’t put your own name, or nick name, or some clever catchword on a jersey. Just don’t. Whether it’s “Apollo 69” or “He Hate Me” or whatever, you’re causing other people to mock you quietly behind your back (and in some cases loudly to your face when you don’t shut up).

RULE #2 -> If you feel as though you MUST use your own name, or a nick name, do not use an already used number. So help me god if I see another “Awesome Dad 11” jersey, I may have to buy theose two brats “Orphan 99” jerseys…oops… hehehe….

RULE #3 -> Just because you are the captain, or assistant captain of your Wednesday beer league or your Sunday church league team does not mean you can just give yourself a “C” or and “A” on this team. Hell, Fishy had to wait 8 years for his “A”… and he actually worked for it. Screw you and your low level leadership quality… save the $4 and keep the letter to yourself.

RULE #4 -> Let’s assume that these past three rules have finally struck home, and you are NOT going to make the awful decision of making an “Apollo 69” jersey. Please please please make sure your jersey choice is not anachronistic in any way. Make sure the player you are putting on it (if not pre-made) actually wore that jersey. For example, I see people wearing vintage 1990’s style Penguins jerseys with Crosby on them. Check this out… Crosby was 4 when the Pens won that first Cup, and they haven’t really revisited it in the Sid the Kid era… so… um… awkward….

Anyhow – there you have it. The rules. Follow them, or don’t, but always know… I’ll be watching (and mocking silently from afar).

~MFP3