Wednesday, November 25, 2009

The RULES....

There’s rules goddammit!

As the fine gents over at 6thSens discovered, even our own home town Sens fans are not immune to making terrible decisions when it comes to their jersey customization. I thought for the longest time that as a collective, the folks coming to the Kanata Salmon Can on a nightly basis were well informed, cerebral hockey fans, who put lots of thought into every hockey-related action (hence the large walk-up crowd). But as Tim and Graeme experienced against the Caps on Monday night… this is not always the case. Enter “Apollo 69”, who is his own James Dean “rebel without a clue way” has flashed his hairy balls to the world in a big fat “f**k you!” to the clearly defined system. His jersey violates not one, not two, but all three rules in jerseydom.

RULE #1 -> Don’t put your own name, or nick name, or some clever catchword on a jersey. Just don’t. Whether it’s “Apollo 69” or “He Hate Me” or whatever, you’re causing other people to mock you quietly behind your back (and in some cases loudly to your face when you don’t shut up).

RULE #2 -> If you feel as though you MUST use your own name, or a nick name, do not use an already used number. So help me god if I see another “Awesome Dad 11” jersey, I may have to buy theose two brats “Orphan 99” jerseys…oops… hehehe….

RULE #3 -> Just because you are the captain, or assistant captain of your Wednesday beer league or your Sunday church league team does not mean you can just give yourself a “C” or and “A” on this team. Hell, Fishy had to wait 8 years for his “A”… and he actually worked for it. Screw you and your low level leadership quality… save the $4 and keep the letter to yourself.

RULE #4 -> Let’s assume that these past three rules have finally struck home, and you are NOT going to make the awful decision of making an “Apollo 69” jersey. Please please please make sure your jersey choice is not anachronistic in any way. Make sure the player you are putting on it (if not pre-made) actually wore that jersey. For example, I see people wearing vintage 1990’s style Penguins jerseys with Crosby on them. Check this out… Crosby was 4 when the Pens won that first Cup, and they haven’t really revisited it in the Sid the Kid era… so… um… awkward….

Anyhow – there you have it. The rules. Follow them, or don’t, but always know… I’ll be watching (and mocking silently from afar).



  1. Wow dude. A whole blog about me. I guess I really pissed you off. Oh well too bad because I'm keepin' the Jersey and I'll continue to wear it. Yes I am a season ticket holder so you'll get to see lots of that Jersey.

    The best part of this blog is that I supposedly broke all 3 Jersey rules but you clearly have 4 listed here.

  2. I stand corrected. The best part is that you say I broke three rules but I actually only broke one. I do not have a C or an A on my Jersey and as far as I know, no one has ever worn 69 for the Sens or any NHL team for that matter. And of course rule 4 does not apply.

    Good stuff. I needed a laugh. Thanks for the blog. I'm honored.

  3. @Cap'n Clutch

    Haha. Nice. My apologies - I could have sworn you had a letter on there. And it's not just you my friend... there have been several choices that defy the rules, it just so happens that Graeme and Tim picked you, and I went with it.

    If you are offended in any way, I hope a beer at the next game I can make it up to will settle our differences.

    On a side note - my nickname in college was "blue shoe" but I don;t have it on the back of a jersey.



  4. Hahahahahahahaha. Clutch got burned!

    SpezDispenser laughs.

  5. Not offended. I actually did find it funny. I also found it extra funny that you wrote 4 rules and said I broke all 3. Even if I had a letter on my Jersey it's still only 2 rules broken. I also like the hairy balls comment. I liked it so much I put a thread up on the site I run along with SpezDispenser and Cronie (Cronenbergfan).

    If you're interested it's over on under the Random Thoughts Forum.

  6. Hey, if they're at the game, they've paid to support the Sens. That's a LOT more than you can say about most of the fans out there. He's at least putting his money where his mouth is. I have no issue with someone putting their own name on a jersey with any number they like. Get over it man.

  7. @Anonymous

    Relax dude... it was more of a joke than anything else.

  8. Exactly Michael. I was the one being picked on and I wasn't offended. I found it amusing. Seriously I was quite bored until I saw this.

    Thanks again Michael.

  9. Any time my good man - i think it may have to become a recurring feature...

  10. For the record, someone named Mel Anglestad wore #69 for the Caps in '04. Check out:

    Back up one level (remove the numbers.cgi part) and you'll see a few more fun lists.